Cultural Perspective on Children

We don't allow the culture to instruct us in how to think.

Rather, we do, and we shouldn't.  

As I trust in Christ, He does make me a new type of creation, apparently. At least, that is what I hear.  That new creation is not to be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of the mind, in light of the great mercies of God.

The white European birth rate, which has plummeted below the recoverable line in some countries is pointing out to us one of the ramifications of thinking from an Enlightenment perspective, allowing the culture to instruct our priorities, rather than allowing the King to inform us of his priorities for His beloved sons and daughters.

This quote, from Rachel Jankovic at Desiring God is a sobering way of putting the underlying priorities of the culture around us, and unfortunately the same priorities rule in the church. Click on the link to read the whole article.  It is worthwhile, I think.

"The truth is that years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law.

Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?"

Jankovic, Rachel. www.desiringgod.org. "Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank.<http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-is-a-calling-and-where-your-children-rank#.Th9FVu89gWY.facebook>. Accessed 16JULY2011.

My Brother, My Hero

      “Are you guys ready?” My dad mouthed the words through the pane of glass between us.

Gary and I looked at each other, and shrugged, and started delicately pounding on the bottom of the 4’x4’x1/4” glass window with the rubber butts of our Estwing hammers. Is it possible to “delicately pound”? We were trying.

My dad, my brother and I were working on a window replacement job. It was on the historic Ravenel house. Dad was outside standing on the top of an extension ladder, looking in the second floor window that we needed to remove. On either side of his ladder was another ladder. The plan was: Gary and I would ever so gently ease the window out of the casing by tapping on it with the butts of our hammers, which were handled with soft-ish rubber. Dad, balancing on the top of the ladder, would ease his fingers under the window as it edged out of the casing, and then Gary and I would run down the flight of stairs, out the door, and around the house, and sprint up the ladders on either side of Dad, and then all three of us would slide the window down the front face of the ladders to the ground. (To any OSHA official reading this: Just Kidding!)

This sounds like a ludicrous plan, perhaps, but we had already successfully executed it with about 6 other windows, so we were feeling pretty secure.

As Gary and I continued to tap gingerly along the base of the window, we heard a tiny brittle sound, and looked at the bottom edge of the glass. There was a miniscule crack in the glass. Gary and I looked at each other, and then glanced out at Dad, who was staring at the defect.

Hmmm…

Nothing more happened, so we collectively shrugged our shoulders, and Gary and I resumed our activity.

Tap…tap…taptap…tap…taptaptap…tap

Tap

Abruptly, 16 square feet of ¼” thick plate glass disassembled itself into exploding shards. As I fell backwards in shock and survival, I saw two snapshot pictures in front of me.

My dad, hammer in hand, reaching through the rain of glass, trying to hook the hammer claw over the window frame, and missing as he reeled backward, losing his balance at the top of the ladder.

My brother, wading into the killing glass that I had shied away from and grabbing my dad’s arm, pulling him back into balance just before he fell backwards to the ground.

And then silence, as the glass window that was, crunched under Gary’s feet.

And that day, my brother became a hero to me.

One Amazing Volunteer

This tribute was written by Rob Rienow to his wife, Amy.

"This is a tribute to my wife Amy. In particular, I want to praise her for being such an amazing volunteer. It astounds me how she serves in so many different ministries. She is one of the most dedicated “Matthew 25” Christians I know. In that chapter of the Bible, Jesus calls his followers to show their love for Him, by their sacrificial love for others. Amy lives this vision in extraordinary ways.

She volunteers in a clothing ministry. Amy helps to purchase, organize, and provide clothes for people who don’t have the needed resources to do it on their own.

She also serves in a food ministry. She spends many hours each month shopping and preparing meals for others, and frequently delivers meals to those in need.

Amy has a great love for children. Because of this she provides a tutoring ministry. She often gives her time, even on weekends, to help children keep up with their school work.

Another area where she serves is with a transportation ministry. For those of us who have cars, and are able to get around on our own, it is easy to forget that there are many who don’t have their own transportation. Every weekend, Amy gives of her time and effort to help others get to church. Sometimes these people need rides during the week as well, and Amy is right there to offer her help.

While there are many other ways that Amy volunteers, a fifth one that I would like to mention here, takes a great deal of her heart and time. She volunteers each week with a medical ministry. Helping to care for the sick and hurting takes not only physical energy, but emotional energy as well. She bandages wounds, prays for them, and even runs errands to pick up needed medicines. Amy gives her heart and soul to others, at great personal cost to herself.

Perhaps you are wondering, “How does Amy have the time to serve in all these ministries?” She lives this missional, externally focused, Matthew 25 life, by being a mom. She clothes and feeds our children, who can’t do these things for themselves. She tutors and teaches our children every day. She provides needed transportation and medical care. The list could go on and on. My wife Amy is one amazing volunteer."

Citation: By Rob Rienow <www.VisionaryFam.com>. May 2011.

200 Year Plan for Ministry

Rob Rienow and his wife Amy are the founders of a ministry that has been helpful to me in as I have been thinking through husbanding and parenting.

This video is...eye-opening to say the least...a little math lesson applied to offspring potential:

Check out Rob's new ministry website. The first thing I heard from Rob was the introductory session for his seminar on Visionary Parenting.  Great stuff.

Citation:

<http://visionaryfam.com>. Accessed 9 March 2011.

TruffleBaby...

It has been one year since the adoption was final, and about four years since we started fostering our not-so-little-anymore "TruffleBaby"

"Truffle Baby is what’s for dinner" 

As I drive home from work I begin to think
Of the delicious food I’m about to eat
Whatever she makes me will sure be a treat
I think of my wife standing at the sink
Or perhaps at the oven
Watching a dozen
Dinner rolls turning golden brown
It makes me wonder what’s for dinner
With her yummy cooking I’ll not get thinner
  

As I walk in the door of our little home
My sniffing nose begins to roam
Following the smell of something well done
I look in the kitchen…oops this doesn’t look fun
My wife’s at the oven, her rolls are now black
There are tears on her face, and a shaking back
“I forgot I was cooking, over-slept my nap”
“Don’t worry honey, we’ll find us a snack”
 

I look around for something to snack on
And there on the floor he catches my eye
It’s our Little Boy Brown,
Looking plump and so round
“I have the answer, though we’ll get no thinner!
When Truffle baby is what’s for dinner!”
So we eat and we eat, he is ever so yummy
He laughs and he giggles as we chew on his tummy.
  

After a while I’ve widened my girth
My pants fit tighter than they did at the first
But I ask my wife what’s for dessert
‘Cause still I am hungry
So she looks in the pantry
But finds nothing sweet
There are no cookies, no ice cream
Nor cakes…not a slice
And then our baby let’s out a sweet sigh
And suddenly we know what to eat for dessert, it’s
Chocolate Truffle Baby Pie!!!!
We cry with delight
“You’re what’s for dessert!
We nibble his toes
And kiss his sweet cheeks
We gnaw on his tummy
There’s nothing so yummy
His ears and his fingers, they’re all up for grabs
We eat and we eat and we eat while he laughs
We eat ‘til we’re full, and then there’s a lull
I’ve also found that he’s very nutritious
All organic, 100% natural
Just a few more nibbles because he’s delicious
As a part of this dinner, he sure is a winner
If we don’t stop snacking we sure won’t get thinner
But who wants to be thinner anyway
When Truffle Baby is here to play?

Citation:

Clark, David.  From "My Writing" Folder. Accessed 21 February 2011.

Hmmm...(2)

Yeah - hmmm....life is changing all around us.




Vitamins used to be horrible to take, but good for you. (Think "cod liver oil" here.)

Now vitamins are delicious and like candy.  This is not inherently bad, but we ought to be aware that taken to the extreme in all areas of life it can be construed by our children (and us) that what is good for me is what I enjoy.

Learning used to be an obligation and a privilege, whether you enjoyed the experience or not.

Now Sesame Street, "Learning at the Speed of Thought", et cetera are going on the presupposition that kids ought to be catered to in their learning.

When that thought ("it is only useful if I like it") gets imported into the church, and we expect church, and it's teachings to cater to us; to our likes and dislikes; to our need to be entertained...and we find that it does no such thing, because it is a Proclamation from the King...we get disenchanted because the lies that the culture around us has fed us undermine the possibility of listening to, let alone understanding and believing, the truth claims of the Word

We teach our children to find the rhythm within (in music as well as school and morality, etc.) as opposed to discovering the inherent rhythm in the order of things that corresponds to what is as created by God.

And this is no good thing.

Citation:

Cartoon found at <http://naglly.com/Generations.png>, accessed 9 February 2011.
Other thoughts accessed from my brain.

Training Children to Listen

"You can train your child to hear you the first time you say something. Or, you can train them to ignore you. Raising a child who listens to adults is a source of joy. Raising one who doesn't is a constant source of frustration and torment.

Our actions either train kids to listen or not to listen. Consider this situation I witnessed in an airport recently. Joshua, a five-year-old, was running out into the concourse

"Joshua. You stop that running!" called his mother. She did not follow through, so Joshua continued dashing in and out of a crowed of irritated travelers.

"Joshua. You get over here!" Once more, she barked an order, but did nothing to enforce it.

"Joshua! Get off of that!" Another order was shouted by mom and ignored by Joshua.

Suddenly, Joshua was right at my feet staring up at me.

Mother ordered again, "Joshua. You get away from that man. You come over here. Quit bothering people."

I looked down at Joshua and asked, "Joshua, what's your mom going to do if you don't do what she says?"

He knew the answer immediately, "Nothing."

Of course he was right. His mother had trained him to know that she would bark orders, but never enforce them. Why should he listen if he could do as he pleased - without adult interference - by not listening?

In fact, Joshua never had to walk back to his mother in the airport. She came over to him, held his hand, and apologized to me with, "I'm so sorry. You know how five-year-olds are. They won't listen to a thing you say."

It took a lot to keep me from saying, "I've known a lot of five-year-olds who listen to their parents. But their parents mean what they say."

Training kids to listen is not brain surgery. It's not complicated. Joshua's mom could retrain him to listen by first retraining herself to do the following:

1. Make a commitment she will never repeat herself.
   Kids unconsciously learn how many times each parent will repeat a request before taking action. She can give Joshua the gift of knowing she will only say something once.
2. Be prepared to act.
   She needs to be dedicated to making her child's life somewhat uncomfortable each time he fails to listen the first time she says something. This means as soon as he disobeys she goes to him, takes him back to his seat, and makes him stay with her saying, "How sad not to listen. Now you can stay with me."
3. She should never accept, "But I didn't hear you," as an excuse.
   When confronted with this excuse, she should respond with, "How sad not to be listening. Maybe your ears will get better." It is important she says this without sarcasm and follows through with the consequences of not listening.
4. Be prepared for Joshua to have a fit about not getting his way.
   Even though this will be uncomfortable, other adults around her will secretly applaud her courage and willingness to put forth the efforts to raise a well-behaved child.
5. Get ready to enjoy a more responsible and happier child.

I have worked with kids and families for 47 years. During that time I have never met a child who failed to hear a parent's promise. They always hear promises the first time. I've also learned their ears work the same way for requests when parents learn and follow the four steps I've outlined.

Training and expecting kids to listen is one of a parent's greatest gifts. It's the Love and Logic way."

Citation:

Fay, Jim. "If Kids Can Hear Promises, They Can Hear Requests: Getting your child to listen to you is easier than it sounds". Online Posting. www.loveandlogic.com. 2001. <www.loveandlogic.com/pages/promises_and_requests.html>. Accessed 30 January 2011.

Of the world, but not in it?

I'm afraid that (consciously or unconsciously) we are allowing the culture of this age to design the floor plan, build the foundation, construct the framing, and install all of the mechanical trades and fixtures in our thinking, and only then do we allow the Unadulterated Truth of Christ and His Word to choose the paint colors and hang a few pictures on the wall, and occasionally do a small repair or a tiny remodel.  I am concerned that this type of surface deep "Christianity" will not withstand when the pressures of life come.

The current divorce rate in the church; the rate at which student-age-church-goers are exiting the faith, never to return are both foils against which I filter this thought, and they leave me more concerned, not less.

We need to start considering how the culture we are inevitably, and even purposefully living in has informed our definitions of life, humanity, marriage, parenting, education, truth, entertainment, friendship...and whether the conclusions the culture has drawn, which we have accepted very deeply, harmonize with a deeply-rooted biblical view of the same topics.

An Example

The currently held definition of marriage, by those who are on the extremely conservative Christian side of our culture appears to me to be:

 "One man and one woman; in partnership; for mutual fulfillment and pleasure; a joint economic venture to cut costs of living; sexually fulfilling; children optional; pleasure non-optional; divorce frowned on but ultimately accepted without much ado besides surprise and chagrin and awkwardness on the part of others within the church."

There is, pragmatically speaking, a very slender, if any, difference between that definition of marriage and a union between two of the same gender.  All you have to do is replace a gender in the first clause of the marriage definition above, and the rest works perfectly.

Not so, a biblically grounded view of marriage.  Not even close.  In fact, you can not get from biblical marriage to same-sex union!  There is no road in between.

Biblical marriage is, for one thing, a demonstration of submission to God's rule and authority in the world to the fallen angels, thus a man by submitting to Christ as his head, and a woman by submitting to her husband acknowledges that Satan is wrong in his posturing lie that God's rules are hindering true fulfillment, (which was his primary lie in the garden and still today).  A woman, by submitting to her husband's authority says "No, Satan, you are wrong!  God is good, and you are not!"

How can a same-sex union do this?  It can not, by it's very nature!

A Biblical marriage is for submitting to the Lord as he allows the bearing of children.  Sex is not for pleasure primarily according to scripture.  Pleasure is a wonderful, fulfilling and important secondary consideration, but it is not its only or even its primary function.  We have allowed the culture to tell us differently, but the Scripture does not.  

How can a same-sex union accomplish this?  It can not, by it's very nature!

A Biblical marriage is an opportunity for a man to love a woman as the weaker vessel.

How can  a same-sex union accomplish this?  It can not, by it's very nature there is no weaker vessel to be honored.

I'm sure this will stir up controversy.  Stir away!


Citation:
Clark, David.  "Some of David's Thoughts on Culture and Living". David's Brain. Gurley, AL.  Accessed: 30 January, 2011.

Ready or not

MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in
the wet flower bed and rub on the walls.

Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may
substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them
all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or
kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with
you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and
pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag
making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from
the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert
spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the
mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the
contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds
of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and
hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm
for 10:00 PM.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have
ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00
AM.  Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up
for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST
Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the front of your
clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they
can improve their child's discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet
training, and table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve.
Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run
wild.

Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the
answers.

Unknown author. "HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE A BABY". 

<http://parents.berkeley.edu/jokes/parentingtest.html>.  Accessed 1/28/2011.

Unintentional Sports Parenting

I wish I could claim some genetic involvement here.


Or even claim having worked long and hard with my son with a ball and bat.  But the reality is that yesterday was maybe the first time that I have ever thrown a ball to my four-year-old son to hit with his bat.


He immediately hit ten balls in a row.


Good grief.

Sanctified Pie

DAD’S RASPBERRY PIE

When I was a boy, my dad planted two long rows of raspberries next to our vegetable garden.  Each spring, slowly working with shears, he pruned out last years dry canes, so the young plants could grow unhindered.   He carefully packed the ground around each new cane with clean yellow straw, so the soil would remain cool and moist.  When the weather was dry, he trailed soaker hoses along each of the rows, providing just the right amount of water.  The result of his work and attention were two rows of abundantly fruitful raspberry canes.

One morning I watched out our kitchen window as Dad walked over the wooden foot-bridge that spanned our stream, and across the yard to the raspberry patch. He was carrying a cardboard quart basket and he started walking slowly down the row, carefully placing fully ripened raspberries in the basket.  He didn’t have to work his way far down the row before his container was full, and he carried it back across the bridge, and up the back steps of the house.

The door opened, and he walked in holding out his palm which held a few of the berries that were especially plump and juicy, “Look how big these raspberries are!” He offered them to Mom to sample, having taken his fill directly from the bushes.

After Dad left for work, my mother dusted her countertop with flour, rolled out her pie crust, carefully settling the delicate pastry down into her 8” Pyrex pie plate.  She ladled the rich red, slightly sweetened mash of raspberries into the pastry, and covered it with the top crust.  A few deliberate cuts in the middle of the crust, a dusting of white sugar, and then into the oven it went, to bake itself into fragrant perfection. 

About an hour later she pulled it out of the oven, and placed it on a cooling rack. The tender, crisp crust had wisps of aromatic steam puffing through the vents cut into it.  My eyes watered, and I started to salivate.

My dad taught mentally handicapped teenagers for several years, so on this particular day, he walked in the door about 4:30, and start sniffing. The air was rich with the aroma of the baked raspberry pastry.  He smiled, and kissed my mother.

“Woman, you are my kind of a wife!  I married you to make me pies!”  She smiled back at him, and patted him on his backside with a twinkle in her eye.

My brother burst in the door, “Hey dad!” then he smelled the pie.  “Oh wow!  Raspberry pie.  That smells great.”

Dad sliced himself a large wedge of the pie, placed it on a plate, and sat at the kitchen table with his back to our wood cook stove.

“David, get me a fork please.” I turned, picked a fork out of the silverware drawer, and handed it to him.

He poked the tines down into the tip of his piece, lifted a large forkful to his mouth and began to eat immediately, even though dinner was not far off. My brother and I would have gotten in big trouble for doing that! But Dad had his priorities, and he was “the Father in the house” which allowed him to break his own rules sometimes.

Savoring the bite, his eyes closed, he extolled my mother’s many virtues.  My brother and I stood around, hopeful that he would feel generous.

Finishing off the piece of pie, only small flakes of the crust left, he glanced at his crestfallen sons.  “Boys, let me tell you about sanctification.  We are told to be sanctified only for God’s use.  Do you know what that means?”

Shaking our heads, we waited.

“Well, to be sanctified is kind of like this raspberry pie.  Your mother makes many pies…apple pies, pumpkin pies, cream pies…and raspberry pies.  All of the other kinds of pies are common pies.  That means that just about anyone can eat them.  They are made for general consumption.  But her raspberry pies are sanctified pies.  They have been set apart and sanctified only for my use.  God has told us to be like this raspberry pie…we are not meant to be common, but holy, sanctified, set apart for His pleasure.  Every time you smell this pie, and see me eating my pie, you can remember to be sanctified to God.”

And that was that.  No pie for us.  Not even a bite.  My dad, normally a very generous man, had disappointed his boys, but now, decades later, that memory, soaked in the sights and smells of my childhood, has left its indelible mark on my life, as I try to be like that raspberry pie.


Citation:
Clark, David. "Sanctified Pie". David's "My Writing" Computer File. 
Accessed: 27 January 2011.

"Trees" and my Grandpa Joe

We named our son after my Grandpa Joe.  Unfortunately, Grandpa's real name was "Joyce".  Fortunately I didn't have to name my son "Joyce" to get the effect of naming him after Grandpa.  And fortunately, there is a good reason that Grandpa was named Joyce: my Great-Grandmother liked a poem, which I also happen to like, about trees, and also fortunately, there is a national forest with some really big trees* named in honor of the poet: Joyce Kilmer. And, also additionally fortunately, he wasn't just any old sissy poet, but rather, he was  Sgt. Joyce Kilmer, a member of the Fighting 69th Infantry Regiment, who died in the battle of the Marne, 1918.


"Trees"

"I think that I shall never see

A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest

Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,

And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in Summer wear

A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;

Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,

But only God can make a tree"

Citation:
Kilmer, Joyce. "Trees". from One Hundred and One Famous Poems. Chicago, Illinois: Contemporary Books, 1958.  pg. 39


*

Thoughts on the family in relationship to the church

What is the relationship between the family and the local and universal church?  That question has been one of my constant companions as our family has grown and I have realized that I have a biblical mandate as a husband and father.

While browsing this rather wonderful Anglican family blog, I discovered The Domestic Church website.  Here are some interesting excerpts with thoughts on what it means to be a family within the context of the church:

"The Early Church described the family as the “domestic church.” This meant that it was not just a sociological unit. Rather, the family was created to play a specific role in God’s plan of salvation.

"Thus, the family is deeply associated with the Church in both its nature and structure. In the Old Testament, the family was so central that without it, there simply was no covenant. In the New Testament, the family reached its proper fulfillment in Christ. The family became the place where the Holy Spirit works out the salvation of each member and provided stability and structure for life’s journey.

"The baptized family is the first place where the essential teachings in catechesis, prayer, and morality are carried out to help in the conversion and development of growing Christians.

"Because the Christian family is the Church in miniature, it also shares the nature of Christ. It has a priestly, prophetic, and kingly dimension to it. The family offers Christ and intercedes for its own members and those around it (priestly); the family is a sign of Christ’s love and faithfulness to a world that is enmeshed in the culture of death (prophetic); and the family serves its own members and those around it sacrificially (kingly).

"By participating in the saving and redemptive nature of the Church, the family is profoundly rooted in the Church’s mission. The family has truly become a little church, or as it is better known, a domestic church."