Look at that picture. A little delightful family of mer-people. I vibrated with excitement as I dropped the envelope in the mailbox with the requisite $1.25 check made out to that questionable "Transcience Corporation Dept." One check made out by one boy who agreed that "IT SOUNDS GREAT".
Poor miserable sap.
I mean, look at the inset picture of the 1950s era family all gathered around watching these agreeable, anxious-to-please, trainable, happy, attention-loving pack of friendly command-obeying underwater fantasy elves! I could NOT WAIT for my family to watch in awe as my new troupe of mini-people obeyed my every command happily:
"Swim figure-eights"
"Play dead"
"Roll over"
"Dance the cha-cha"My family would be so amazed, they might even make my big brother do all of the kitchen cleaning for a month! I might get some kind of award for having the most amazing pets OF ALL TIMEl!
Ohboyohboyohboy...
Instead:
!!!
Were they trainable? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
No.
They were not trainable. Did they follow lights around their aquarium? No. They did not follow lights around their bowl. Were they anxious to please me, their Lord and Master? They did not even know I existed!
LIES! ALL LIES!
But still, they were kind of neat, and they had a...unique smell.
Even now, even now that the price has jumped from under $2 to over $20.00, I am still tempted to believe the advertisements. Maybe I just didn't try hard enough back then as a puny little kid. Maybe now my wonderful little colony would acknowledge my existence. Wouldn't that be amazing? My wife and children could all stand and watch as I commanded them to my hearts content:
"Build a small house with 3 rooms out of the tiny pebbles I am going to put in your bowl"
"Teach me your language. I come in peace"
"Salute me when I talk to you, mer-person!"Hmmm...just maybe...
Citation:
<http://www.sea-monkey.com/>. Accessed 21 February 2011.
1 comment:
Dave, I'm sure that I'm keeping Craig awake with my laughter. I can totally relate, except that it was my brother who sent the envelope and waited in joyful anticipation. Thanks for taking me back. I can't wait to hear how Gracie and the children like their mer-people.
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